An Open Letter To Enda Kenny

By now, the newspapers have been put to bed. Based on the preview I caught on Vincent Browne’s TV3 show, half of them are predicting dire consequences for you as a result of George Lee’s abdication. My guess is your media advisers have spent the day going over your response with you.

So here’s what you do.

Fire them.

By all accounts, you’re a very personable chap in the flesh, and every bit as charming and effective as Bertie Ahern on a canvas. But in front of a microphone, you look like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

I don’t think that’s your fault. You’ve been listening to too many media experts telling you how to behave. Smile. Don’t smile. Show gravitas. Show a lighter side. Be presidential. Be everyman.

Too much advice. As a result, you’re never sure which piece of advice to follow, and it shows. You look wooden.

And the more your front bench protest that there’s no leadership question, the more they will be asked about your poll numbers.

So to hell with it. Fire the media gurus, and just be yourself. Maybe people will actually like you.

Let Enda be Enda. Before it’s too late.

Dealing with the media scrum

Cash Call

Sixteen months ago, I wrote a story.

It was a nice little story, with some good quotes from the main player. I sold it to a provincial paper.

I posted the story on my website. Thanks to the vagaries of thesub editing process, what appeared on the website was different to what appeared in print. Among other things, quotes that appeared online didn’t make it into print.

Then, a few days later, the same story appeared in another newspaper. Not only that, but the story appeared with some of the quotes from my website.

There is no crime of plagiarism in Irish law. But there is the Copyright Act 2000. I sent off an invoice. I got a phone call in response, but no payment. I persisted, sending followup statements. I started charging interest.

Last month, Dermot Ahern changed how the Small Claims Court works. I considered legal action. Last week, I found out the email of the financial controller, and copied a statement to him.

Maybe it was the statement, maybe the fact I spoke to several people about legal action and word got back, but whatever the reason, yesterday I got paid.

Sometimes, it’s worth hanging in there.

Legal Shock

Outside, the new Criminal Courts Complex is distinctive, but not hugely original. Busáras with a facelift. Inside, it feels like a science fiction set. Something American, definitely lacking the post-industrial grime that besets most UK efforts, from 28 Days Later to Dr Who.

Think of Doctor Manhattan’s laboratory in Watchmen. Or maybe the headquarters for the New York CTU as Jack Bauer saves the world for the eighth time. Not quite science fiction, but slightly ahead of today, with geeks doing magical things at ridiculous speeds on their computers.

Lots of glass. Lots of polished steel.

The barrister was almost certainly a junior. Senior counsel don’t carry that many books. That’s what devils are for. She stood by the lift, eyeing the call button with suspicions.

The Garda approached with a grin on his face.

“You’ve been electric shocked already, haven’t you?” he asked.

“Yes, almost every time.”

“Too much metal, there’s nowhere for the static to go,” he pronounced.

“Would you mind? she asked, struggling to keep hold of the bulky legal texts.

The Garda reached into his pocket, producing a pencil, and used it to hit the button.

“Works every time,” he said.

Blue Pencilling the Bunreacht

The NUI is to be abolished, with implications for Seanad elections. So how about proper reform, instead of minimalist tinkering?

Seanad Éireann shall be composed of sixty members, of whom eleven shall be nominated members and forty-nine shall be elected members.

A person to be eligible for membership of Seanad Éireann must be eligible to become a member of Dáil Éireann.

The nominated members of Seanad Éireann shall be nominated, with their prior consent, by the Taoiseach who is appointed next after the re-assembly of Dáil Éireann following the dissolution thereof which occasions the nomination of the said members.

The elected members of Seanad Éireann shall be elected as follows:—

i Three shall be elected by the National University of Ireland.

ii Three shall be elected by the University of Dublin.

iii Forty-three shall be elected from panels of candidates constituted as hereinafter provided.

Provision may be made by law for the election, on a franchise and in the manner to be provided by law, by one or more of the following institutions, namely:

i the universities mentioned in subsection 1° of this section,

ii any other institutions of higher education in the State,

of so many members of Seanad Éireann as may be fixed by law in substitution for an equal number of the members to be elected pursuant to paragraphs i and ii of the said subsection 1°.

A member or members of Seanad Éireann may be elected under this subsection by institutions grouped together or by a single institution.

3° Nothing in this Article shall be invoked to prohibit the dissolution by law of a university mentioned in subsection 1° of this section.

Every election of the elected members of Seanad Éireann shall be held on the system of proportional representation by means of the single transferable vote, and by secret postal ballot.

The members of Seanad Éireann to be elected by the Universities shall be elected on a franchise and in the manner to be provided by law.

Before each general election of the members of Seanad Éireann to be elected from panels of candidates, five panels of candidates shall be formed in the manner provided by law containing respectively the names of persons having knowledge and practical experience of the following interests and services, namely:–

i National Language and Culture, Literature, Art, Education and such professional interests as may be defined by law for the purpose of this panel;

ii Agriculture and allied interests, and Fisheries;

iii Labour, whether organised or unorganised;

iv Industry and Commerce, including banking, finance, accountancy, engineering and architecture;

v Public Administration and social services, including voluntary social activities.

Not more than eleven and, subject to the provisions of Article 19 hereof, not less than five members of Seanad Éireann shall be elected from any one panel.

A general election for Seanad Éireann shall take place not later than ninety days after a dissolution of Dáil Éireann, and the first meeting of Seanad Éireann after the general election shall take place on a day to be fixed by the President on the advice of the Taoiseach.

Every member of Seanad Éireann shall, unless he dies, resigns, or becomes disqualified, continue to hold office until the day before the polling day of the general election for Seanad Éireann next held after his election or nomination.

Subject to the foregoing provisions of this Article elections of the elected members of Seanad Éireann shall be regulated by law.

Casual vacancies in the number of the nominated members of Seanad Éireann shall be filled by nomination by the Taoiseach with the prior consent of persons so nominated.

Casual vacancies in the number of the elected members of Seanad Éireann shall be filled in the manner provided by law.

Article 19

Provision may be made by law for the direct election by any functional or vocational group or association or council of so many members of Seanad Éireann as may be fixed by such law in substitution for an equal number of the members to be elected from the corresponding panels of candidates constituted under Article 18 of this Constitution.

Article 19 could then be rewritten to allow direct elections by anyone with Dail vote returning Senators for a fixed five year term. Elections would take place on the same day as Euro and local elections.

Perhaps we could use Euro constituencies for the Seanad election. Or we could go back to 1925 (the only time we directly elected a Seanad) and a single countrywide constituenciy.

How about it, Mr Gormley?

News Business

We lie.
We don’t always mean to, but we do.
We’re in a hurry, overworked, and just don’t care any more.
Now and then, we have our own agendas, buy that’s for the names, the guys you recognize from chat shows, not the anonymous drones who bring you 90% of the news.
We used to care we were young. We had dreams.
Now we have mortgages, and editors who don’t want to hear.
And what’s the point of fighting for one article, when your editor will publish twenty opinion pieces and spin merchants calling it a lie, until only the lie survives.
We’d love to tell the truth, but the truth gets you sued.
Or fired.
Even when we tell the truth, we lie, just by choosing which truths to tell.
Twice in the last few weeks, there were stories I absolutely knew were true. In one case, there were court records and a judicial verdict. In another case, rare enough for these days, a journalist had left the office and telephone and actually witnesses something first hand.
Both stories were killed by a solicitor’s letter.
So we lie with incomplete truths, because paper needs ink, and deadlines are stone.

Memory Hole

For some time yesterday, RTE and Highland radio websites carried the news that an iceberg could be seen off Arranmore island in Co Donegal. The story was false.

The story is now gone from both websites, and at time of writing, neither mentions that it ever existed.

The only online news source to carry the story of the hoax is the Donegal News, which explains that ‘the reports were the result of an elaborate hoax after an islander sent out an email in effort to “cheer everyone up” following the recent cold-snap.’

Check online discussion boards and twitter though, and you’ll get the full story behind the hoax.

Meanwhile, the Donegal News website is quite limited, and the story will disappear from it in a few days time. Unless it gains legs and is picked up elsewhere, there will be no record of it I traditional media websites within a week.

Winston Smith would be proud.

Traditional media doesn’t like being caught out, and it’s instinct is to ignore, not apologise. Masal Bugduv only came to light because bloggers spotted it, and the Irish independent has never acknowledged it was suckered by the Carravaggio hoax.

So who do you trust?

The camera may not lie, but Photoshop is less reliable.

A Donegal Christmas

To mark Nollag na mBan, some more photographs taken on Christmas Day.

The house where my father was born.

The Murlin river

The river Murlin

Murlin through the trees

Murlin through the trees

Tessie's cottage

Tessie's cottage

Standing Stone

Standing stone

Old School and Post Office

Old school and post office

Balamory (seriously)

Balamory (no, seriously)

Next door

Next door

Snow by the Murlin

Snow by the Murlin

Church of Ireland

Church of Ireland

WTF?

Following contact earlier today from the Slovakian authorities with the Airport Police at Dublin Airport, members of the Garda Síochána recovered a small quantity of explosive material from the luggage of a passenger who had flown into Dublin from that country on Saturday.

It has since been established that this material was concealed without his knowledge or consent in the passenger’s luggage as part of an airport security exercise by the authorities in Slovakia. The Slovakian Minister for the Interior conveyed to Justice Minister Dermot Ahern his Government’s profound regret for this incident.

Minister Ahern has asked the Garda Commissioner for a full report on the matter. The Commissioner has informed him that he has appointed a Chief Superintendent to investigate fully the circumstances surrounding the incident.

An Army Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) team attended the scene. Houses were evacuated but residents have now returned.

One man in his 40s was arrested at 11am and held in Mountjoy Garda under section 30 Offences Against the State 1939. He was later released.

An Garda Siochana is in ongoing contact with authorities in Slovakia and Commissioner Fachtna Murphy appointed Detective Chief Superintendent Martin McLaughlin to establish the full background to this incident.

Ben Bulben

For some reason, ever since Idrove past Ben Bulben a few days ago I've been craving vienetta..

For some reason, ever since I drove past Ben Bulben a few days ago I’ve had this craving for vienetta.

Blasphemy

1 January 2010: Atheist Ireland Publishes 25 Blasphemous Quotations on Commencement of New Irish Blasphemy Law

From today, 1 January 2010, the new Irish blasphemy law becomes operational, and we begin our campaign to have it repealed. Blasphemy is now a crime punishable by a €25,000 fine. The new law defines blasphemy as publishing or uttering matter that is grossly abusive or insulting in relation to matters held sacred by any religion, thereby intentionally causing outrage among a substantial number of adherents of that religion.

This new law is both silly and dangerous. It is silly because medieval religious laws have no place in a modern secular republic, where the criminal law should protect people and not ideas. And it is dangerous because it incentives religious outrage, and because Islamic States led by Pakistan are already using the wording of this Irish law to promote new blasphemy laws at UN level.

We believe in the golden rule: that we have a right to be treated justly, and that we have a responsibility to treat other people justly. Blasphemy laws are unjust: they silence people in order to protect ideas. In a civilised society, people have a right to to express and to hear ideas about religion even if other people find those ideas to be outrageous.

In this context we now publish a list of 25 blasphemous quotations, which are abusive and insulting in relation to matters held sacred by various religions, and which have previously been published by or uttered by or attributed to Jesus Christ, Muhammad, Mark Twain, Tom Lehrer, Randy Newman, James Kirkup, Monty Python, Rev Ian Paisley, Conor Cruise O’Brien, Frank Zappa, Salman Rushdie, Bjork, Amanda Donohoe, George Carlin, Paul Woodfull, Jerry Springer the Opera, Tim Minchin, Richard Dawkins, Pope Benedict XVI, Christopher Hitchens, PZ Myers, Ian O’Doherty, Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor and Dermot Ahern.

Despite these quotations being abusive and insulting in relation to matters held sacred by various religions, we unreservedly support the right of these people to have published or uttered them, and we unreservedly support the right of any Irish citizen to make comparable statements about matters held sacred by any religion without fear of being criminalised, and without having to prove to a court that a reasonable person would find any particular value in the statement.

We ask Fianna Fail and the Green Party to repeal their anachronistic blasphemy law, as part of the revision of the Defamation Act that is included within the Act. We ask them to hold a referendum to remove the reference to blasphemy from the Irish Constitution. We also ask all TDs and Senators to support a referendum to remove references to God from the Irish Constitution, including the clauses that prevent atheists from being appointed as President or as a Judge without swearing a religious oath asking God to direct them in their work.

25 Blasphemous Quotations Published by Atheist Ireland on 1 January 2010

1. Jesus Christ, when asked if he was the son of God, in Matthew 26:64: “Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.” According to the Christian Bible, the Jewish chief priests and elders and council deemed this statement by Jesus to be blasphemous, and they sentenced Jesus to death for saying it.

2. Jesus Christ, talking to Jews about their God, in John 8:44: “Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him.” This is one of several chapters in the Christian Bible that can give a scriptural foundation to Christian anti-Semitism. The first part of John 8, the story of “whoever is without sin cast the first stone”, was not in the original version, but was added centuries later. The original John 8 is a debate between Jesus and some Jews. In brief, Jesus calls the Jews who disbelieve him sons of the Devil, the Jews try to stone him, and Jesus runs away and hides.

3. Muhammad, quoted in Hadith of Bukhari, Vol 1 Book 8 Hadith 427: “May Allah curse the Jews and Christians for they built the places of worship at the graves of their prophets.” This quote is attributed to Muhammad on his death-bed as a warning to Muslims not to copy this practice of the Jews and Christians. It is one of several passages in the Koran and in Hadith that can give a scriptural foundation to Islamic anti-Semitism, including the assertion in Sura 5:60 that Allah cursed Jews and turned some of them into apes and swine.

4. Mark Twain, describing the Christian Bible in Letters from the Earth, 1909: “Also it has another name – The Word of God. For the Christian thinks every word of it was dictated by God. It is full of interest. It has noble poetry in it; and some clever fables; and some blood-drenched history; and some good morals; and a wealth of obscenity; and upwards of a thousand lies… But you notice that when the Lord God of Heaven and Earth, adored Father of Man, goes to war, there is no limit. He is totally without mercy — he, who is called the Fountain of Mercy. He slays, slays, slays! All the men, all the beasts, all the boys, all the babies; also all the women and all the girls, except those that have not been deflowered. He makes no distinction between innocent and guilty… What the insane Father required was blood and misery; he was indifferent as to who furnished it.” Twain’s book was published posthumously in 1939. His daughter, Clara Clemens, at first objected to it being published, but later changed her mind in 1960 when she believed that public opinion had grown more tolerant of the expression of such ideas. That was half a century before Fianna Fail and the Green Party imposed a new blasphemy law on the people of Ireland.

5. Tom Lehrer, The Vatican Rag, 1963: “Get in line in that processional, step into that small confessional. There, the guy who’s got religion’ll tell you if your sin’s original. If it is, try playing it safer, drink the wine and chew the wafer. Two, four, six, eight, time to transubstantiate!”

6. Randy Newman, God’s Song, 1972: “And the Lord said: I burn down your cities – how blind you must be. I take from you your children, and you say how blessed are we. You all must be crazy to put your faith in me. That’s why I love mankind.”

7. James Kirkup, The Love That Dares to Speak its Name, 1976: “While they prepared the tomb I kept guard over him. His mother and the Magdalen had gone to fetch clean linen to shroud his nakedness. I was alone with him… I laid my lips around the tip of that great cock, the instrument of our salvation, our eternal joy. The shaft, still throbbed, anointed with death’s final ejaculation.” This extract is from a poem that led to the last successful blasphemy prosecution in Britain, when Denis Lemon was given a suspended prison sentence after he published it in the now-defunct magazine Gay News. In 2002, a public reading of the poem, on the steps of St. Martin-in-the-Fields church in Trafalgar Square, failed to lead to any prosecution. In 2008, the British Parliament abolished the common law offences of blasphemy and blasphemous libel.

8. Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath, in Monty Python’s Life of Brian, 1979: “Look, I had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was that piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah.”

9. Rev Ian Paisley MEP to the Pope in the European Parliament, 1988: “I denounce you as the Antichrist.” Paisley’s website describes the Antichrist as being “a liar, the true son of the father of lies, the original liar from the beginning… he will imitate Christ, a diabolical imitation, Satan transformed into an angel of light, which will deceive the world.”

10. Conor Cruise O’Brien, 1989: “In the last century the Arab thinker Jamal al-Afghani wrote: ‘Every Muslim is sick and his only remedy is in the Koran.’ Unfortunately the sickness gets worse the more the remedy is taken.”

11. Frank Zappa, 1989: “If you want to get together in any exclusive situation and have people love you, fine – but to hang all this desperate sociology on the idea of The Cloud-Guy who has The Big Book, who knows if you’ve been bad or good – and cares about any of it – to hang it all on that, folks, is the chimpanzee part of the brain working.”

12. Salman Rushdie, 1990: “The idea of the sacred is quite simply one of the most conservative notions in any culture, because it seeks to turn other ideas – uncertainty, progress, change – into crimes.” In 1989, Ayatollah Khomeini of Iran issued a fatwa ordering Muslims to kill Rushdie because of blasphemous passages in Rushdie’s novel The Satanic Verses.

13. Bjork, 1995: “I do not believe in religion, but if I had to choose one it would be Buddhism. It seems more livable, closer to men… I’ve been reading about reincarnation, and the Buddhists say we come back as animals and they refer to them as lesser beings. Well, animals aren’t lesser beings, they’re just like us. So I say fuck the Buddhists.”

14. Amanda Donohoe on her role in the Ken Russell movie Lair of the White Worm, 1995: “Spitting on Christ was a great deal of fun. I can’t embrace a male god who has persecuted female sexuality throughout the ages, and that persecution still goes on today all over the world.”

15. George Carlin, 1999: “Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time! But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!”

16. Paul Woodfull as Ding Dong Denny O’Reilly, The Ballad of Jaysus Christ, 2000: “He said me ma’s a virgin and sure no one disagreed, Cause they knew a lad who walks on water’s handy with his feet… Jaysus oh Jaysus, as cool as bleedin’ ice, With all the scrubbers in Israel he could not be enticed, Jaysus oh Jaysus, it’s funny you never rode, Cause it’s you I do be shoutin’ for each time I shoot me load.”

17. Jesus Christ, in Jerry Springer The Opera, 2003: “Actually, I’m a bit gay.” In 2005, the Christian Institute tried to bring a prosecution against the BBC for screening Jerry Springer the Opera, but the UK courts refused to issue a summons.

18. Tim Minchin, Ten-foot Cock and a Few Hundred Virgins, 2005: “So you’re gonna live in paradise, With a ten-foot cock and a few hundred virgins, So you’re gonna sacrifice your life, For a shot at the greener grass, And when the Lord comes down with his shiny rod of judgment, He’s gonna kick my heathen ass.”

19. Richard Dawkins in The God Delusion, 2006: “The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.” In 2007 Turkish publisher Erol Karaaslan was charged with the crime of insulting believers for publishing a Turkish translation of The God Delusion. He was acquitted in 2008, but another charge was brought in 2009. Karaaslan told the court that “it is a right to criticise religions and beliefs as part of the freedom of thought and expression.”

20. Pope Benedict XVI quoting a 14th century Byzantine emperor, 2006: “Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.” This statement has already led to both outrage and condemnation of the outrage. The Organisation of the Islamic Conference, the world’s largest Muslim body, said it was a “character assassination of the prophet Muhammad”. The Malaysian Prime Minister said that “the Pope must not take lightly the spread of outrage that has been created.” Pakistan’s foreign Ministry spokesperson said that “anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant encourages violence”. The European Commission said that “reactions which are disproportionate and which are tantamount to rejecting freedom of speech are unacceptable.”

21. Christopher Hitchens in God is not Great, 2007: “There is some question as to whether Islam is a separate religion at all… Islam when examined is not much more than a rather obvious and ill-arranged set of plagiarisms, helping itself from earlier books and traditions as occasion appeared to require… It makes immense claims for itself, invokes prostrate submission or ‘surrender’ as a maxim to its adherents, and demands deference and respect from nonbelievers into the bargain. There is nothing—absolutely nothing—in its teachings that can even begin to justify such arrogance and presumption.”

22. PZ Myers, on his desecration of a Roman Catholic communion host, 2008: “You would not believe how many people are writing to me, insisting that these horrible little crackers (they look like flattened bits of styrofoam) are literally pieces of their god, and that this omnipotent being who created the universe can actually be seriously harmed by some third-rate liberal intellectual at a third-rate university… However, inspired by an old woodcut of Jews stabbing the host, I thought of a simple, quick thing to do: I pierced it with a rusty nail (I hope Jesus’s tetanus shots are up to date). And then I simply threw it in the trash, followed by the classic, decorative items of trash cans everywhere, old coffeegrounds and a banana peel.”

23. Ian O’Doherty, 2009: “(If defamation of religion was illegal) it would be a crime for me to say that the notion of transubstantiation is so ridiculous that even a small child should be able to see the insanity and utter physical impossibility of a piece of bread and some wine somehow taking on corporeal form. It would be a crime for me to say that Islam is a backward desert superstition that has no place in modern, enlightened Europe and it would be a crime to point out that Jewish settlers in Israel who believe they have a God given right to take the land are, frankly, mad. All the above assertions will, no doubt, offend someone or other.”

24. Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor, 2009: “Whether a person is atheist or any other, there is in fact in my view something not totally human if they leave out the transcendent… we call it God… I think that if you leave that out you are not fully human.” Because atheism is not a religion, the Irish blasphemy law does not protect atheists from abusive and insulting statements about their fundamental beliefs. While atheists are not seeking such protection, we include the statement here to point out that it is discriminatory that this law does not hold all citizens equal.

25. Dermot Ahern, Irish Minister for Justice, introducing his blasphemy law at an Oireachtas Justice Committee meeting, 2009, and referring to comments made about him personally: “They are blasphemous.” Deputy Pat Rabbitte replied: “Given the Minister’s self-image, it could very well be that we are blaspheming,” and Minister Ahern replied: “Deputy Rabbitte says that I am close to the baby Jesus, I am so pure.” So here we have an Irish Justice Minister joking about himself being blasphemed, at a parliamentary Justice Committee discussing his own blasphemy law, that could make his own jokes illegal.

Finally, as a bonus, Micheal Martin, Irish Minister for Foreign Affairs, opposing attempts by Islamic States to make defamation of religion a crime at UN level, 2009: “We believe that the concept of defamation of religion is not consistent with the promotion and protection of human rights. It can be used to justify arbitrary limitations on, or the denial of, freedom of expression. Indeed, Ireland considers that freedom of expression is a key and inherent element in the manifestation of freedom of thought and conscience and as such is complementary to freedom of religion or belief.” Just months after Minister Martin made this comment, his colleague Dermot Ahern introduced Ireland’s new blasphemy law.